Blame

If life were simple, blame would make sense. 

We are all born into a system: a family system, a community system, or a cultural system. When problems arise within the system, it is way too complicated to point a finger at one person and identify the sole source of the problem.  It would certainly make things easier, it would be nice and neat, but it would not be accurate.

religious belief that he or she should stay with their partner no matter what?   Does that person have such low self-esteem that they feel they deserve such treatment?  Were they modeled such behavior by their parents?

When children grow up in difficult situations with parents who are unable to meet their needs for unconditional love, safety, acceptance, they can be filled with shame, guilt and resentment. As adults, they have confusing mixed feelings of love and anger toward their parents. It often is a new concept to think of our childhoods from the perspective of a system. A system often has good intentions and is actually trying its best to do well, but is paralyzed by serious limitations.  Does each individual need to take responsibility for his/her actions?  Yes.  Is it totally unfair that a powerless child has to grow up in a system such as this?  Yes, again.  When a client begins to understand the family system concept, they can feel sadness instead of anger. They can consider the possibility of forgiveness.  And with that, they can be free to move forward in their own lives.